Hits you like a brick.
I feel completely off my game today…like I don´t belong, like I´m a fool for thinking I can learn this language, like if there was a plane leaving RIGHT NOW I would be on it…
I kind of want to cry.
The thing is, I never realized before how all of the little readjustments can add up into one big ball of "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???" Like how people tend to walk in the streets because the sidewalks suck, or how no one seems to care if they clip you with their mirror, or what dickheads the waitstaff in bars can be once they realize that you´re not Spanish. Even the good things; the food, the tv, the buses…it just makes me tired.
Then, to top things off, I realized that people in one of my classes were writing lengthy notes about the subject matter in Spanish, while I was copying down key words and trying to stay on top of what the hell the Professor was getting at.
I feel like a fake.
I feel very American, and very homesick.